Ouch — most commented jokes

Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day was a very special one. If he prayed extra hard, he'd be able to see when he woke up in the morning.

The next morning she came into Herbie's room to make sure he'd prayed hard the night before. 'Well then, open your eyes and you'll know that your prayers have been answered.'

Little Herbie opened his eyes, only to cry out, 'Mother! Mother! I still can't see!'

'I know, dear,' said his mother. 'April Fool!'

Nine months to the day following their wedding, the Coopers had a baby. Unfortunately, it was born without arms or legs -- without even a torso. It was just a head. Still, the Coopers loved and cared for their child, spoiling and indulging it.

Finally after twenty years, they took a much-needed vacation and whom should they meet on the cruise ship but a European doctor who had recently achieved a medical breakthrough. 'I know,' he said, 'how to attach arms and legs to your child, how to make him whole.'

The Coopers cut their trip short, rushed home and into the room where the head lay in its crib, and said, 'Honey... Mom and Dad have the most wonderful surprise for you!'

'Noooooo!,' shrieked the head, 'Not another hat!'

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
→ "Nice tits!"

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
→ Nothing, you already told her to shut up twice.

How do you babysit black kids?
→ Wet their lips and stick them to the wall!

How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?
→ Put velcro on the ceiling.

How do you get him down?
→ Blind fold two mexican kids and tell them he's a pinata.

What's better than winning the gold medal at the special olympics?
→ Not being retarded!

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

You'd make a lovely corpse!

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

You're a wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits...huh?

Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast?

You love nature in spite of what it did to you?

I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located?

I wish I'd known you when you were alive.

If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginner's luck!

What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement.

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.

I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest!

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your refridgerator?
→ CHUCK.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a ditch?
→ Phil.