Mom/Dad Jokes — most commented jokes

A wise man once said that having children is hereditary.

Which is tantamount to saying: If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either.

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool!"

"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board?!"

From Reader's Digest, June 1992:

I grew up in a non-musical family; only one of our five siblings can even carry a tune.

So, I've restricted my singing to private places like the bathtub or the car. But one night, I softly sang a lullaby to my nine-month-old baby.

After the first verse, he sweetly looked into my eyes, removed the pacifier from his mouth and placed it in mine.

After having quadruplets, the mother named them... Adolph, Rudolph, Getoff, and Stayoff.

If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair.

If this doesn't work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.

My husband and I had just finished tucking our four young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Eric's room.

Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Eric's ear.

Eric was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Dad!"

Little four-year-old Julie was looking at her new baby brother for the first time. He was fast asleep.

After staring at her tiny, motionless baby brother for a few minutes, Julie looked up at her mother and asked plaintively, "Didn't he come with batteries?"

If your child asks how Santa Claus gets into the house, just tell him he comes in through a large hole in daddy's wallet.

- Dad: The only way to acquire a new skill is to start at the bottom.

- Son: But I want to learn to swim?

One can pity the father with three kids in college. He tells his wife that they are getting poorer by degrees.