Medicine — most commented jokes

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing knives

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Shock Therapy Barbie ...car battery and wires included

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"

"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

What medicine would you give an ill ant?
→ Antibiotics!

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient.

"This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."

The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"

"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant."

"I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
→ Depreciation.

Do vampires get AIDS?

What does an aardvark use when he has a cold?
→ An ant-ihistamine!

What is a computer virus?
→ A terminal illness.

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?