Random joke from this category
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."
How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one; he holds it still and the whole world revolves around him.
→ Just one, but two lawyers have to explain him how to do it.
Jury: Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer.
Justice: A decision in your favor.
- Judge: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
- Doctor: All my autopsies are on dead people.
- Judge: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
- Witness: She is my daughter.
- Judge: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
- Judge: You stated that the stairs went down to the basement, is that correct?
- Witness: Yes.
- Judge: And these same stairs, did the also go up?
- Judge: Your first marriage was terminated by death?
- Witness: Yes, by death.
- Judge: And by whose death was it terminated?
- Judge: Are you married?
- Witness: No, I'm divorced.
- Judge: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
- Witness: A lot of things I didn't know about.
- Judge: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand?
- Witness: Yes
- Judge: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995?
- Witness: Oral.
- Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
- Defendant: No, I did not.
- Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
- Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.
