Kids Jokes — most commented jokes

Five year old Johnny and his little sister are peeping through a keyhole at their parents making love: "Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed even to stick a finger in our nose!"

The teacher, brought a Venus statue in class and asks: "What do you like best about it?"

"The artwork," says Robert.

"Very good. And you, Peter?"

"Tits!"

"Peter, get out! And you, Johnny?"

"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving."

Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say 'ass' and I'll say 'hell'."

All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast.

"Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios."

His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?"

"I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios."

There was a new girl in school, when asked her name, she replied "Happy-Butt". When hearing this, the teacher said, "Go straight to the principal young lady." At that, she went to the principal. He asked her why she was in the office, and she said "The teacher sent me hear so you can find out my real name." He said "well, what is your name?" she said "My name is Happy-Butt" He said "That's not a name, I'm looking it up in the computer RIGHT NOW!" So he looks in the computer, and he says "it lists here that your name is Gladys." She said "Exactly, Happy-Butt, Glad-Ass... SAME THING!"

A kid is walking down the road, when a car pulls up next to him.

The man in the car opens the window and asks the kid if in return for a sweet he will come in his car.

To which the boy replies "GIVE ME A FIVER AND I'LL COME IN YOUR FACE"!!!!

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Banana!

- Banana who?

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Banana!

- Banana who?

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Banana!

- Banana who?

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Orange!

- Orange who?

- Orange you glad I didn't say Banana!

Once there was a preacher's wife who went into a bakery and asked the butcher waht the daily special was. He said it was the "damn ham."

She immediatly started yelling at the top of her lungs.

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT I'M THE PREACHER'S WIFE!"

The butcher was totally taken back by this while he wimpered, "Oh, no ma'am it's called the 'damn ham.'" She bought one of the hams.

Later that day when the preacher got home he smelled the ham cooking and asked his wife what it was. She replied that it was the "damn ham." He also immediatly started yelling at the top of his lungs.

"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT I'M THE PREACHER!"

She was also taken back by this and wimpered that it was the "damn ham."

At dinner that night they were eating dinner with their kids and they, too, asked what this delicoius meal was. Their father (the preacher) said that it was the "damn ham."

Their son was quite happy with this. In fact he said, "That's the spirit, Dad, now pass the fucking potatoes."

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"

She replied, "Im having a baby."

With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"

She said, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"

She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...

"Then why did you eat him?"

Raleigh, N.C., judge Don Overby, in several recent cases involving juvenile theft, has forced the convicted kid to go home, retrieve his own most prized possession, bring it back to Overby's courtroom, and watch while the judge smashes it up.

St. Paul, MN

The hit movie "Home Alone" about a boy thwarting burglars with imaginative mayhem, wasn't total fantasy. Just ask the guy who tried to break in while 13-year-old Ryan Hendrickson was home alone.

Ryan was watching television Wednesday night when he heard a noise that sounded like a window screen being cut.

"I ran to the closet and grabbed a bat," Ryan said Thursday. "I went...into the dining room, where I saw him cutting the window with a knife. He put his left hand in first and I was waiting for his right hand to come in...and I took the baseball bat and I hit him as hard as I could."

The man ran. Ryan called 911.

Police, while cautioning Ryan to call 911 first next time, did enjoy the fact that the kid got in the first lick against a bad guy.