Kids Jokes — most commented jokes

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:

- Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks:

- Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?

She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,

leans forward and says in a quiet voice:

- I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

- Be still, my heart - thought my friend.

- My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!

Then the child spoke to the instrument:

- Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages.

- Mommy, look what I found - the boy called out.

- What have you got there, dear? - his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered:

- It's Adam's clothes!!!!!

- Brother: How do you top a car?

- Sister: Tep on the brake, tupid.

- My sister's a really bad driver.

- What makes you say that?

- Every time she goes out in the car, Dad puts a glass panel in the floor so that she can see who she's run over.

A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven slap into the living room.

- How did you manage to do that? - he fumed.

- Quite simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left!

On Fred's 17th birthday, his Dad said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson.

As they got in the car, the father said:

- Just one thing, Fred. If you're going to hit anything, make sure it's cheap.

- What sort of a car has your dad got?

- I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T.

- Really - Ours only starts with gas.

One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said:

- I did that by accident.

She replied:

- I know that, daddy.

He replied:

- How'd you know?

The girl said:

- Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!' afterwards!