Farming Jokes — most commented jokes

A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses.

"Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to do the same."

"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow."

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's."

The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it in church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"

And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."

A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife's breast a little feel and says, "Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow."

His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, "Mother, if this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."

His wife then reaches over and grabs his penis. "Father, if this could stay hard, we could get rid of your brother."

An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem.

"Hmmm...muffler's loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench." He says.

He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Off in the distance he sees a small house. There is a black woman and several small black children playing in the yard.

The Farmer yells to her "Hey Miss, do you happen to have Monkey Wrench?"

"What?" She yells back.

"A Monkey Wrench!!?" He screams.

"What?"

"MONKEY WRENCH!!?... MONKEY WRENCH!!?"

"Naw, this ain't no Monkey Ranch, its a Day Care Center!"

One morning a little girl ran inside and said "Daddy, Daddy my sister and the man you hired last week are up on the hay loft in the barn on all that new hay we just bought. She has her dress up and he has his pants down. I think they are about to piss all over that new hay!"

A little boy did not go to school one day. The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said "Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the Bull". "How disgusting" said the teacher "I am sure your father could have done that" "No ma'm, he couldn't have" said the little sod "It has to be the Bull".

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it very slow."

Why don't Blondes make good cattle herders.

Because they can never keep two calves together.

A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life.

While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to get his sheep across the road. She stopped her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her first good deed.

After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, "your sheep are so cute. If I guess how many there are, could I have one."

The farmer thought it impossible and told the blonde it was okay."637", said the blonde.

The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact number, but lived up to his bargain.

"I'll take that feisty one over there", said the blonde.

Then the farmer said to the blonde, "Okay, now if I guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?

The owner of a small crossroads store in South Carolina was appointed postmaster. Over six months went by and not one piece of mail left towm. Deeply concerned, postal authorities in Washington wrote the postmaster to inquire why.

They received this short and simple explantion: "The bag ain't full yet."