Ethnic — most commented jokes

Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital.

"Well, Doc," he inquired anxiously, "is he going to make it?"

"It's tough," said the doctor. "He'd have a better chance if you hadn't gutted him first."

How do a jewish couple have oral sex?
→ SET AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BED AND YELL SCREW YOU TO ONE AND OTHER

Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, "What are those bags for?"

"I'm collecting for Israel", said Mr. Goldfarb.

"You need two bags?", asked Mr. Klein.

"I've got a system," said Mr. Goldfarb. "It's fantastic. I go into the men's room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say, 'Give for Israel or get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag."

"What do you have in the other bag?" inquired Mr. Klein.

"Oh, well, not everybody gives."

Two Amish women were out picking potatoes in the field when one of them picked up two huge potatoes and said "These potatoes remind me of Emil's balls"

"Are they that big?" asked the other.

"No they're this dirty."

How many Serbs does it take to change a Lightbulb?
→ It doesn't matter.. Theres a Blackout!

An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem.

"Hmmm...muffler's loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench." He says.

He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Off in the distance he sees a small house. There is a black woman and several small black children playing in the yard.

The Farmer yells to her "Hey Miss, do you happen to have Monkey Wrench?"

"What?" She yells back.

"A Monkey Wrench!!?" He screams.

"What?"

"MONKEY WRENCH!!?... MONKEY WRENCH!!?"

"Naw, this ain't no Monkey Ranch, its a Day Care Center!"

Jewish view on when life begins:
There's a big controversy on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man.

So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree-look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. Fall out of tree, not see. No Fee.

An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me beck the party!"

She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again."

He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party."

She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again."

He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere!" And he hangs up.

Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out."

He says, "Vy?"

They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here."

He says, "Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator 28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere?"

She says, "Yes?"

He says, "Vell, get ready -- dey're bringin' it to ya!"

An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.

So the Italian woman goes to aks another saleswoman: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" "No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband."

The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" The saleswoman answers: "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here lickety split."

To which the Italian woman answers: "No no no, that's not-a my tony, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no lickety split!"