Random joke from this category
A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip.
Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The border official looks over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write 'Twice a week' into the small space labeled 'SEX'.
The official explains:
- No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'.
- Doesn't matter - the tourist answers.
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.
After a few minutes he turns to her and says:
- Can I smell your pussy?
The woman looks at him in disgust and says:
- Certainly not!
- Hmmm - he replies.
- It must be your feet, then.
There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing how much their husbands could get up their crotch.
The first woman said:
- My husband can get his whole hand up me.
The second lady said:
- My husband can get his whole head up me.
The third lady slid down the bar stool.
Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms.
The first dwarf not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he has to listen to the other dwarf and the other hooker grunting:
- One, two three, uhh... one, two three, uhh...
In the morning, the second dwarf says to the first dwarf:
- So how was it?
The first dwarf says:
- It sucked. I couldn't get a hard-on all night.
The second dwarf says:
- You think that's bad? I couldn't even get up on the fucking bed.
What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
→ You can eat your Mom's apple pie.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
→ Full.
At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head:
- No. A clerk came over and asked:
- May I help you?
- I don't know - said the woman.
- Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?
Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac.
After six times she was screaming for more. After the eighth time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.
On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he couldn't find "it".
After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said:
- Look, it's ok. She's not here!
My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt!
So I fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked:
- Grandpa, are you going to take that new Viagra?
Grandpa looks at him and says:
- No Johnny, I will not.
- But Grandpa, why? - asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies:
- Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to.
