Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an extremely gorgeous woman. The first thing he notices about her though, are her pants. They were skin-tight, high-waisted and had no obvious mechanism (zipper, buttons or velcro) for opening them. After several minutes of puzzling over how she got the pants up over her hips, he finally worked up the nerve to ask her:

- Excuse me miss, but how do you get into your pants?

- Well, - she replied, - you can start by buying me a drink.

One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating.

The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew what he was doing in there and that he should save it for marriage.

Little Jimmy agreed to this only because it was coming from a priest. About a week later the priest ran into Jimmy at the mall and asked him how he was doing with his problem.

Jimmy replied:

- Great, Father, I've saved a whole quart!

What's the difference between Love, True Love and showing off?
→ Spit, swallow and gargle.

Mary went to Jill's place to tell her about a horrible experience she'd had the previous night with this bloke she brought home.

- Well, what happened when you got there? - Jill asked.

- The bastard called me a slut! - Mary said.

- And what did you do then? - Jill asked, shocked.

- I told him to get the fuck out of my bedroom and take his eight mates with him! - Mary said.

What's the most active muscle in a woman?
→ The penis.

What's an Australian kiss?
→ The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!

A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that night's dinner he cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked:

- Did I screw up the cooking...?

- No, - the cowboy replied, - you cooked up the screwing.

One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out.

- Greetings, Miss Lewinsky, - the genie said. - Since you have released me, I will grant you one wish.

- Well, - Monica replied, - I'm going to be on television a lot for a while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love handles.

- Your wish is my command, - said the genie. A wave of his hands, a puff of smoke...

And her ears promptly fell off.

It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman with a six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick.

What part of a woman does a man like looking at best?
→ The top of her head.