Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

Here's a pretty nasty one:

Why are they having such a hard time finding a cure for AIDS?
→ The scientists can't get the mice to butt fuck.

A girl goes to the doctor. She says:

- Doc, I'm freakin' out...

- I'm freakin' out...my pee's coming out in four streams.

He says:

- Get up on the table and I'll see what I can do.

She gets up on the table, and as he's examining her, he starts to giggle.

She says:

- It's not funny. My pee's coming out in four streams.

He says:

- It won't anymore. I took the trouser button out of there.

What's a definition of a gynecologist?
→ Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most people find pleasure

Name something a duck can do, that a doctor won't.
→ Stick his bill up his ass.

The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office.

- You know, Doc, - he said.

- I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand.

- And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions, - the medic said.

- Hell, no, - the old fellow replied.

- I want to borrow your Lamborghini.

A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway.

When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front of and facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked but if it would help solve her problem she thought she had better do what the doctor said.

As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs and when she did he put his head between them and rested his chin right on her private parts. After a few moments and some very positive 'yes, yes' type noises the doctor instructed her to get dressed again.

Afterwards, the doctor sat her down and informed her that the main cause of her problem was just that she was drinking far too much liquid before going to bed.

- So what did the exercise in front of the mirror tell you?

- Well, - said the doctor.

- my wife is right, a beard would suit me.

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window.

Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.

As he does this he says to the woman:

- Do you know what I'm doing?

- Yes, - she says.

- you're checking for any abrasions or dermatolegical abnormalities.

- That's right, - says the doctor.

He then begins to fondle her breasts.

- Do you know what I'm doing now? - he asks.

- Yes, - says the woman.

- you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer.

- That's right, - replies the doctor.

He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her:

- Do you know what I'm doing now?

- Yes, - she says.

- You're getting herpes.

A man's wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman's body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she had seen the woman's eyebrows shudder. Not quite sure, she tried again. This time, she actually did see some movement.

- Doctor, Doctor, - she called.

- I saw some movement!

The Doctor came in to the room and tried as well. Once more, they both saw movement around the woman's eyes.

- Well this is good news, - said the Doctor.

- I think we should call her husband and let him know.

Anyway, they called her husband and told him that they had seen some movement. When he arrived, they explained that by touching her pubic hair, they were seeing some sort of reaction in her facial muscles. The Doctor suggested that the husband may like to try something a little more adventurous in order to provoke a stronger reaction.

- I suggest that we leave the room and that you try a little oral sex, - he said.

The husband duly agreed and so he was left alone in the room. Several moments later, all the emergency alarms and buzzers were activated. The Doctor and a host of nurses ran in to the wife's room where they saw the husband zipping up his jeans.

- Oops, - he said.

- I think I choked her.

A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital.

The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered:

- When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.

The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballs everywhere. When asked why he said:

- When I get out of here I going to be a professional baseball player.

The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things, until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in the middle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanut on the end of his penis. The student asked:

- I understand about the others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?

- They're never going to let me out of here, - the patient said.

- I'm f**king nuts!

- Doctor, - the embarrassed man said.

- I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.

- Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.

The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife.

- Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas, - the medic said.

- Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on.

The doctor took the husband aside.

- You're in perfect health, - he said.

- Your wife didn't give me an erection either.