Random joke from this category
A young lady walks into a doctors office. "Doctor I'm suffering from a terrible discharge" The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says "how does that feel?" Young lady, "Oooh doctor that feels lovely..... ...but the discharge is from my ear!!"
A mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend of his, also a mute. In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been doing. The friend replied (vocally!):
- Oh, can that hand-waving shit. I can talk now.
Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details. Seems he had gone to a specialist, who, seeing no physical damage, had put him on a treatment program that had restored the use of his vocal chords.
Gesturing wildly, the mute asked if he might meet this specialist. They got an appointment that very afternoon.
After an exam, the specialist proclaimed that he had found no permanent damage. The mute was essentially in the same condition as his buddy, and that there was no reason why he couldn't be helped as well.
- Yes, yes - signed the mute.
- Let's have the first treatment right now!
- Very well - replied the specialist.
- Kindly go into the next room, drop your pants and lean over the examining table. I'll be right in.
The mute does as instructed, and the doctor sneaked in carrying a broomstick, mallet and jar of Vaseline. Greasing the broom handle, he 'sent it home' with a deft swipe of the mallet.
The mute jumped from the table, screaming:
- AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
- VERY good - smiled the doctor.
- Next Tuesday, we work on 'B'.
A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says:
- I have some bad news. You have HAGS.
- What is HAGS - the man asks.
- It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis - says the doctor.
- Oh my God - says the man.
- What are you going to do?
- We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.
- Is that going to help me - says the man.
- No - says the doctor.
- But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door
Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear." The second nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms." The third nurse fainted.
One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. Lastly he told nurse to get two small onions from his lunch box as he cannot keep his testis pouch empty.
After that operation he met the same patient in a garden for morning walk.
Being a good doc, he asked his patient how he is feeling now.
He said:
- Doc everything is fine, life is very cool except that whenever I scratch my balls, my eyes start watering.
A man goes into a doctor's office and says:
- Doctor! Doctor! I have five penises!
The doctor says:
- Good lord! How do your pants fit?
The man replies:
- Like a glove.
The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S
- What's that?, the patient asks.
- It's a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.
The patient wants to know if there's a cure, to which the Doctor responds:
- We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.
- Why only pancackes?, asks the patient.
- They're the only thing that will fit under the door, the Doctor answers.
A midget walks into the doctors and says:
- Doc, I've got these fucking itchy balls and I can't do anything to stop 'em itching.
The Doc says:
- I can see the problem and I'll fix it for ya. So the Doc pulls out a pair of scissors and tells the Midget to close his eyes. The midget hears snip, snip snip noises for about 5 minutes.
The doc finishes and says:
- How's that?
The midget says:
- Fucking brilliant, what did you do?
The Doc says:
- I trimmed back your high boots
A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him.
- You know, - said the doctor - you really have to learn to trust me.
This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look on his face.
- Doc, - he says - I'm worried. It's that dream. I'm having it again.
- What dream? - asked the shrink, not really paying attention.
- You know, - says the man - the one where I'm into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or am I just beating a dead horse?
