Celebrities — most commented jokes

What do the Republicans have that Bill Clinton wishes he had?
→ A mandate to govern.

Who do they get for Babe the pig's dangerous movie scenes?
→ A stunt ham.

What famous pig actor made a movie about Frankenswine?
→ Boaris Karloff.

What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"?
→ Pork Chop!

A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper.

She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is.

The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."

Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov, "Where are we?"

Rachmaninov said, "Carnegie Hall, sir!"

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert.

"There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?"

Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint, "Write your repertoire."

Why did Captain Kirk go into the ladies toilet?
→ To boldly go where no man has been before!

What do you get if you cross a dog and a film studio?
→ Collie-wood!

What do you call a fight between film actors?
→ Star wars!