Aviation Jokes — most commented jokes

There were 3 guys in a plane. The plane was about to crash.

They each had to throw one item out: The 1st guy threw out an apple.

The 2nd one threw out a bannana.

The 3rd one threw out a bomb.

There were 3 guys below them. 2 were crying, 1 was laughing.

A guy went up to the 1st one and asked, "Why are you crying?"

He answered, "An Apple hit me on the head."

He went up to the 2nd one and asked, "Why are you crying?"

He answered, "A Bannana hit me on the head."

He went up to the 3rd one and asked, "Why are you laughing?"

He answered, "I farted and my house blew up!"

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→ You only have to teach them to take off!

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat.

Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a Coke." (Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.)

"No problem," said the Jew. "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew's shoe and spit in it. The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said "That looks good. Think I'll have one too."

Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it. The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples ....this hatred... your spitting in my shoes and me pissing in your Coke?"

A man and woman are seated next to each other on a plane. After takeoff, the woman violently sneezes and excuses herself to go to the bathroom...so the man stands up to let her out.

She returns, and 15 minutes later she sneezes again big time, and again excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

She returns again, and immediately sneezes, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

The man, a little tired of jumping up so often...asks her: "You keep sneezing, what's the problem?"

The woman replies: "I have a rare condition...every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."

He says, "Oh... what are you taking for it?"

She says: "Pepper."

Four guys were in an airplane, which was going down in flames. There were only 3 parachutes, though.

The reverand says "I should go! everybody needs religion!" they agree and he jumps.

Another guy says "I'm the smartest man on earth! If I die, everyone goes broke!" so he jumps.

The old guy says to the hipee "I am old, and you have a whole life ahead of you, so you jump."

But the hipee replies "Chill dude! We can both go! the smartest man on earth forgot the parachute!"

A guy boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.

He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if I ask how you got yours?"

- Other guy: Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident.

- See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the hugest tits in the world was there. So, instead of saying 'I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh', I accidentally said 'I'd like a Picket to Tittsburgh.' And then she socked me one.

- First guy: Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: 'Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties.' But I accidentally said: 'You ruined my life you fuckin' bitch!'

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable!

I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.

"I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "WOMAN - Iron this shirt!"

Poland's worst air disaster occurred today when a two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery late this morning in central Poland.

Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained... "It took us awhile to find a new pilot."

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly.

As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold.

I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"