Animal Jokes — most commented jokes

A boy went into the local department store where he saw a sign on the escalator - 'Dogs must be carried on this escalator.'
The boy then spent the next tow hours looking for a dog.

Why did the stupid boy wear a turtle neck sweater?
→ To hide his flea collar.

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

Did you hear about the Murfreesboro muddlebrain whose father told him about the birds and the bees?

The next day, the Tennessean was stung by a bee and thought he was pregnant.

Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn't sing.

- File the beak just a little, - said the owner.

- and the bird will sing. But if you file it too much, the canary will die.

Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street and asked about his canary.

- He died, - said Calvin.

- But I told you not to file the beak too much.

- I didn't, - explained Calvin.

- but by the time I got him out of the vise, he was already dead.

Did you hear about the dimwit who was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for crocodiles?

- Loomis: Does your dog have a license?

- Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the drivin'.

Did you hear about the stupid woodworm?
He was found in a brick.

Did you hear about the village idiot buying bird seed?
He said he wanted to grow some birds.