Random joke from this category
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked:
- Whatcha doing, Tim?
- My goldfish died - replied the boy tearfully, without looking up.
- And I've just buried him.
The neighbor was concerned:
- That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied:
- That's because he's inside your cat.
A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man:
- I can't believe what I'm seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!
The man replied:
- Nah lady this cats not clever at all I'm beating it 6 games to 1
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
→ He was an aunteater.
Why did the bat miss the bus?
→ Because he hung around for too long.
What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
→ Hop on.
How do eels get around the seabed?
→ They go by octobus.
- So you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?
- Yes - their dog is our dog's brother.
How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked:
- Where did you get that?
The pig replied:
- I won her in a raffle!
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him:
- I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.
- But how do you know when you are going to land? - he was asked.
- I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground - he answered.
- But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground? - he was again asked. He quickly answered:
- Oh, the dog's leash goes slack.
