Random joke from this category
The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. "You've got to help me! There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's pulling apples off the tree with its tail!" "What's he doing with the apples?" the sergeant asked. "If I told you," the woman cried, "you wouldn't believe me!"
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
Why don't blind people skydive?
→ It scares the heck out of the dog.
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
→ Jungle Bells, Jungle bells..!
This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.
When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper.
Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "F**k you!" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge.
The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.
Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half.
The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.
Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?
→ Because it was on old croc.
Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore?
→ Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
- Look in the lion's mouth - the vet told him.
- How do I do that? - he asked.
- Carefully - replied the vet.
Father and son standing outside the elephant's cage in the Moscow Zoo. Father tells son, "If we stand around here long enough, one of them will throw some food at us."
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence:
- I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.
He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read:
- I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.
Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over.
- Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose, - he typed.
- Please send us two of them.
