Animal Jokes — most commented jokes

A prominent Polish scientist conducted very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump upon giving her a verbal command ("Jump!").

In a first stage of experiment he removed flea's leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook:

- Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly.

So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again:

- Upon removing the second leg all flea organs function properly.

Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again:

- Upon removing the next leg all flea organs function properly.

Then he removed the last leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened.
He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the experiment several times, and the leg less flea never jumped. So he wrote the conclusion:

- Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing.

An elephant was walking in a park. With each step he took, he squished many little ants. Upset, the ants began to crawl up on the elephant -- first his legs and then up all over his body. When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him, he shook hard, making all the little ants, except for one, fall to the ground. As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck, the ones on the ground began to yell, "Strangle him!!! Strangle him!!!"

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him.
The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game:

- What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?

The elephant replied:

- Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up.

Two elephants jumped off a cliff.......
BOOM BOOM!

What happened when the elephant sat on the car?
→ Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!

Why did the elephant eat the candle?
→ He wanted a light snack!

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.

One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight.
They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. The used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund leaned up and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief:

- We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves.

- That's nothing - an American replied.

- We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years trying to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.

Why did the pig have ink all over his face?
→ Because it came out of the pen.

- First Witch: I like your toad. He always has such a nice expression on his face.

- Second Witch: It's because he's a hoptimist.

Why do elephants jump across rivers?
→ So they won't step on the fish.