Most commented jokes

He should study to be a bone specialist -- he has the head for it.

He says he has a mind of his own. He's welcome to it-- who else would want it?

She's like yesterday's coffee -- a little weak in the bean.

She has a pretty little head-- for a head, it's pretty little.

- I've just come back from the beauty parlor!

- What a pity it was closed!

You've a face like a million dollars.
All green and wrinkled!

- I never forget a face!

- But in your case I'll make an exception!

- Do you like my new jacket?

- It's great. Shame your body doesn't suit it, though.

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi . . You know, I just HATE drawing welfare I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur / bodyguard for his 18-year-old nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have an adjoining room. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)
11. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights)
12. Last minute shopping in crowded stores
13. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials"
14. Family coming to stay with you
15. Family and friends from out-of-state calling
16. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities
17. Days off from work
18. Candles

And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas ...

1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!