Most commented jokes

What does the snail say when he gets on the turtle?
→ "Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!"

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, 'Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.' The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us.' The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'Just follow my lead.' They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says, 'Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.' The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.' The guy at the door says, 'A Doberman Pinscher?' He says, 'Yes, they're using them now, they're very good.' The guy at the door says, 'Come on in.' The guy with the Chihuahua figures, 'What the hell,' so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, 'Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.' The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.' The guy at the door says, 'A Chihuahua?' The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?'

There were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was english, called One-two-three.

The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. One day when they were running they came to a huge river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as far as they could.

Which cat drowned?
→ Un-deux-trois cat sank
(un deux trois quatre cinq)

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.

For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.

Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.

Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30 minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking and quivering.

'Are you OK, sir?' asked the stew?

'Yes, I'm fine.' said the man.

Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and shaking again..

'Are you sure you're alright sir?'

'Yes.' said the man, 'but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.'

'Whats wrong?' asked the stew, 'Is he not house broken?'

'No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!'

How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales Style
Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray and sell them as "desktop elephants."

How to Hunt Elephants -- QA Style
Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

How to Hunt Elephants -- Senior Manager Style
Senior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.

Why do gorillas have big noses?
→ Because they have big fingers.

There were two guys walking down the street and they saw a dog licking his nuts.

One of the guys said. "Man I wish I could do that".

Then the other guy said, "Man that dog will bite you!"