Most commented jokes

This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop.

An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he'll give her a ride home.

On the way he looks her over and says:

- You're a pretty good looking old broad. I'll pay you ten bucks for a piece of ass.

She says:

- What???!!!

But then thinks that the old age check isn't due for 5 more days, so she agrees.

They are lying on the bed after it's over having the usual smoke and he says to her:

- Geez, if I had known that you were a virgin I would have offered you $20.00!

She looks back at him and says:

- If I had known you could get it up I would have taken off my pantyhose!

How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
→ He forgot to wrap his whopper.

Once in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "weapon".

The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered... the women swooned... the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band played appropriate music.

Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered... the women swooned... the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band played appropriate music.

After several more knights tried to prove their superiority... the King finally spoke out:

- I have the mightiest weapon of them all!

He dropped his pants and tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not even a thirty pound, but a 40 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered... the women swooned... the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band played "God Save the Queen."

What's the difference between hard and light?
→ You can sleep with a light on.

A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.

It's at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says...:

- Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?

The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back at the little girl and winks...:

- When your mommy goes to the mall!

What do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole?
→ A 40ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.

A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked:

- If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt Vaseline, would you tell anyone?

- Hell no! - the guy said.

The stranger then asked:

- If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?

The man said:

- Of course not.

- Wanna go camping?

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said:

- I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?

No.

The second beau came to the door and said:

- I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?

No.

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer:

- Hello, my name is Chuck.

The farmer shot Chuck.

Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said:

- You really ought to quit.

She, getting tired of his nagging, said:

- I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex.

He replied:

- But they stunt your growth. She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he had never.

Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said:

- So, what's your excuse then?

Two men were talking to each other about how pussy tastes.

The first guy said:

- I think it tastes like cherry pie.

The other guy said:

- I think it tastes like shit.

Then the first guy said:

- You are supposed to turn her over.