Most commented jokes

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say:

- Buk Buk BUK.

The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.

Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say:

- Buk Buk BuKKOOK!

The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.

The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say:

- Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!

The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.

She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying:

- Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit...

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told:

- You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.

The frog says:

- This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?

- No, - says the psychic.

- Next semester in her biology class.

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record:

- In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!

Another horse breaks in:

- Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!

- Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28! - says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening.

- I don't mean to boast, - says the greyhound, but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!

The horses are clearly amazed.

- Wow! - says one, after a hushed silence.

- A talking dog.

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.

This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.

The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed:

- Goony bird! The table!

Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said:

- Goony bird! The shelf!

Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

- Wow! - said the wife.

- If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will! So she bought the bird and took it home.

When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game.

- Honey! - she exclaimed.

- I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied:

- Goony Bird, my foot!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To show the armadillo that it was possible.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To get away from Colonel Sanders!

Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
→ Because it was a double-crosser.

Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
→ To take over the other side.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
→ To get to the other slide.

Why did the chicken cross the beach?
→ To get to the other tide.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
→ Chickens hadn't evolved yet.

There was a scottsman and he was too drunk to walk home from the bar. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. Tomorrow he would walk home after he was sober. In the morning two little girls are walking by to go to school when they see he is wearing his kilt. One of the little girls get curious and decide to lift up his kilt. They see he's not wearing anything under his kilt so one of the little girls takes a blue ribbon out of her hair and ties it around his thing in a nice little bow. They put his kilt back down and go to school. A little while after the man wakes up and natures calling. He finds the nearest bush, lifts up his kilt and looks down. He says in his scotish accent, "I don't know where ya been but ya won first prize."

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

- What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion? - asked the chief.

- Forget the damn lion! - he howled.

- Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?

Two English sheep in a field.

One says to the other:

- I'm not feeling very well

The other turns around and replies:

- Shut-the-f*ck-up, or you'll get us all killed

Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don't know where they are. The first guy says:

- I'll find out

and puts his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says:

- We're just over Paris

- How do you know - ask the others.

- Well I've just felt the top of the Eiffel tower.

Later on the second guy tries and says:

- We just flew over London

- How? - asks the others.

- Well I've just felt the top of Big Ben

Still later on the last guy tries it, puts his arm out the plane, and says to the others:

- We have just flown over Glasgow.

- How do you know that? - comes the reply.

- Because some bastard has just stolen my watch

A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City. He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker. He asked, "Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?" The Saudi replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?" The Russian said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?" The North Korean replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?" The New Yorker replied, "Excuse me, but what is 'excuse me?'"