Most commented jokes

Why was the restaurant called "Out of this World"?
→ Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.

- Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir? - he says.

The man goes into the bar and the bartender says:

- What'll it be?

The man replies:

- Give me a Stoli with a twist.

The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says:

- Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . .

How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've just cashed up."

A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.
Susie said:

- He was born in a manger.

Bobby said:

- He threw the money changers out of the temple.

Little Johnny said:

- He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it.

Curious, the teacher asked:

- And where did you learn that, Johnny?

- From my Daddy - said Johnny.

- Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?

How do you make holy water?
→ Boil the hell out of it.

Who designed Noah's ark?
→ An ark-itect!

What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?
→ You can't keep a good man down!

Who was the best actor in the bible?
→ Samson, he brought the house down!

God is sitting up in his ivory tower, he's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the number one, so he's decided to go on holiday. He calls all his super-being mates up and they pop around to discuss a few suggestions. "What about Mars," says one of them. "Nah I went there 15,000 years ago," says God, "it was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty." "What about Pluto," suggests another. "Nah I went there about 10,000 years ago," says God. "Fucking freezing it was too." "What about Mercury," says another. "It's nice but I went there about 5,000 years ago, I nearly burnt me bollox off it was that hot, never again," says God. "What about Earth then," suggests another. "You must be joking," says God, "I went there about 2,000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish bird, and they're still bloody talking about it."