Most commented jokes

A man frantically calls 911 and says:

- help...my wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart.

- 911: Is this her first child?

- Man: Of course not, you idiot...this is her husband!

Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going.

- Really bad - said the second bee.

- the weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey.

- No problem - said the first bee.

- Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.

- Thanks for the tip - said the second bee and flew away.

A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again and the first bee asked:

- How'd it go?

- Fine - said the second bee.

- It was everything you said it would be.

- Uh, what's that thing on your head? - asked the first bee.

- That's my yarmulka - said the second bee.

- I didn't want them to think I was a wasp.

One day a mother and father were having sex and their son walked in. The kid asked:

- What are you doing?

Well, you wanted a brother, so we're making you one.

The next day, the father walks outside and sees his son porking away on the family junker's tailpipe.

- Son...what the hell are you doing!!!

And the son replied:

- Mom said she wanted an new car, so I'm making her one!

YO mamma is so fat...she sat on the rainbow and skittles popped out!

A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island.

The group consisted of 12 women and 1 man. After a few months, the women grew horny and it was decided that the man needed to take two women a day and they allowed him to have Sundays off.

One day on a day off, he was just relaxing when he noticed a boat nearing. He felt hopeful that maybe they would be rescued, at last.

The boat was almost to the island when the guy noticed it was a man in the boat. As he got out the first guy said:

- Oh my God buddy, am I ever glad to see YOU, - To which the second guy responded:

- Well alright sweetie! It's been a long time for me too.

The first man exclaimed:

- Oh hell, there go my Sundays!

Yo momma so damn heavy that when she stands on the scales to get weighed it says "TO BE CONTINUED!"

A duck walks in to a drug store and asks for a condom.

The sales person comes back with the condom and says:

- Put this on your bill sir - to which the duck replies:

- what do you think I'M a dickhead!

A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.

The steward who checks tickets says:

- I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class.

- I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde.

Well I'll get the pilot.

The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says:

- What did you say?

The pilot simply says:

- I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!

You're so ugly, yo momma had to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get the dog to play with you.

Yo momma's so fat that the last time that she wore a T-shirt with a X on it a helicopter tried to land on her.

Your dog is so dumb that if you were to cut off his tail and make him walk backwards he'd start wagging his head!

Three paratroopers, a Jew, an American, and a Pollack are to throw a hand gernade from the plane, then jump.

The Jew goes first:

- This is for my country - and he throws the gernade out and jumps. He lands and sees a little boy crying and asks:

- what's the matter? The boys says:

- my dog just blew up!

The American tosses the gernade, jumps and when he lands he sees a little girl crying. She tells him:

- my cat just blew up!

The Pollack tosses, jumps and lands. He sees this Redneck laughing his head off. The Pollock asks:

- What so funny?

The Redneck replies:

- I just farted and my house blew up!