Most commented jokes

This guy walks into a pub with a gremlin sitting on his shoulder. He sits at the bar and orders a pint and a half of lager.

The gremlin downs his half-pint, runs long the bar, dips his head in a blokes beer and goes:

- Brrr!

The guy orders another pint and a half. The gremlin repeats the performance. The bloke grabs the gremlin by the neck, shakes him up a bit, and says:

- Listen, if you ever do that again I'll cut yer balls off!

The gremlin says:

- Ain't got none!

- Well, I'll cut off yer prick!

- Ain't got one of them, neither. - says the gremlin.

- Well, how do ya pee?

The gremlin smiled and said:

- Brrr!

Yo mamma is such a bad cook that even the cockroaches throw up!

- Teacher: Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one sentence.

- Johnny: De-feet of DE-duck went over De-fence before De-tail.

The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them.

The people that use them don't know which side to spit on!

What is the difference between a man and a carp??
→ One is a scum sucking bottom feeder, and one is a fish!!

A Canadian is on vacation and walks into a bar.

He sits on this HUGE stool and says to the bartender:

- man, I heard things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!

and orders a mug of beer.

He gets a pitcher of beer and asks the bartender:

- man, I heard that things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!

and goes about drinking his beer. He orders another and he gets really pissed drunk.

Well, not too long later, he has to go to the bathroom really, really bad so he asks the bartender:

- Where is your washroom???

The bartender says:

- down the hall, second door on the right.

So the man climbs off the stool and stumbles down the hall and enters the second door to the left and falls in this huge swimming pool.

The man is struggling to stay afloat and screams:

- DON'T FLUSH IT!!!

A man went to Africa to do some game hunting. While there, he hired a young native to accompany him as his guide. Soon, a large flock of birds flew overhead and the hunter took aim.

The guide grabbed his arm and said:

- Oh, no! These are foo birds and to shoot one means terrible things will happen to you!

The man figured that was only a superstion of the natives and shot one down.

Then the rest of the flock returned and pooped all over him. He hollared at the boy:

- I must have some water right away to wash this mess off.

The boy said:

- Oh no! To wash the crap of the foo bird off means sudden death immediately!

Again the hunter ignored his advice, found water and got cleaned off.

Sure enough he dropped dead then and there. The moral of this story is:

- If the foo shits, wear it.

There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a genie.

Well he rubbed the bottle and the genie said:

- I'll grant you one wish.

So the mexican says:

- ok, I wanna be white and I wanna be surrounded by a pussy.

The genie grants the mexicans wish...and turned him into a tampon!

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your refridgerator?
→ CHUCK.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a ditch?
→ Phil.