Most commented jokes

yo momma so stupid that she asked you what kind of jeans you had on. And you said Guess so she said Levi's.

A lady went to bed and turned out all the lights. Later she awoke and heard a crash, instantly she died of shock. What kind of house did she live in?
→ A LIGHTHOUSE!!!

What do you call a guy who hangs around?
→ Art!

A recent survey carried out by a leading soft drink manufacturer in Disneyland produced some strange results.

Mickey Mouse like Coca-Cola, while Minnie prefers Pepsi.

Donald Duck likes Dr. Pepper, while Daisy prefers RootBeer.

Pluto likes plain old lemonade, as does Goofy.

But Snow White adores 7up.

One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday the teacher asks:

- How many grains of sand are on the beach? needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class:

- How many stars are in the sky? and again no one could answer.

Frustrated little Johnny decides that the next Friday he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night Johnny takes 2 ping pong balls and paints them black. The next day he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day just when the teacher says:

- here's this week's question - Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says:

- ok, who's the comedian with the black balls?

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says:

- Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!

How is a dog's tail like the center of a tree?
→ It's furthest from the bark!

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:

- Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?

- None - replied Johnny - cause the rest would fly away.

- Well, the answer is four - said the teacher - but I like the way you're thinking.

Little Johnny says:

- I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?

- Well - said the teacher nervously - I guess the one sucking the cone.

- No - said Little Johnny - the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking.

What did the blonde do when she locked her keys in her car?
→ She had to break a window to get out!

I was so poor growing up...

If I wasn't born a boy..

I'd have nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said ....

- Come on over, there's nobody home.

I went over. Nobody was home.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

One day as I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy:

- Hey buddy, why are you doing that?

He said:

- Because you came home early.

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.

I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid...

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I was such an ugly baby...

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly...

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father:

- I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... But he pulled through.

I'm so ugly ... My mother had morning sickness - after I was born.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him ....

- Do you think we'll ever find them?

He said:

- I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly...

I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor:

- Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? - he said...

- I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

The story takes off where Cinderella just got yelled at by her step-mother, then her fairy godmother comes to her aid.

The fairy godmother says:

- I can make you a new dress and give you everything you need to go to the ball... on two conditions!

- Anything - says Cinderella - anything!

- Okay the first condition is you have to wear a diaphram. The second condition is you have to be back by 2:00 AM or else your diaphram will turn into a pumpkin - says the fairy godmother.

So Cinderella goes to the ball and the fairy godmother just waits and waits and then it gets to be 2:00AM, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00 and Cinderella's still not back. Then Cinderella finally shows up and the fairy godmother is astonished as to Cinderella's appearence... no pumpkin!

The godmother asks Cinderella who she was with for she had no idea of a man with such power.

Then Cinderella replies:

- Peter, Peter something or other?