Most commented jokes

A guy is swerving down the road and gets pulled over. The cop says:

- You have to take a Breathalyzer test.

The guy says:

- I can't. I have asthma, and it'll start me on a coughing fit.

The cop says:

- Then I have to give you a blood test.

The guy says:

- You can't. I'm a hemophiliac, and if you prick me, I'll bleed all over the place.

The cops says:

- Then you have to get out of the car and walk a straight line.

The guy says:

- I can't.

The cop says:

- Why not?

The guy says:

- Because I'm drunk you idiot... didn't you see the way I was driving!

Do you know why Iraq's navy has glass bottomed ships?
→ So the sailors can see their air force!

A frog walks into his local bank and walks up to the counter.

- I would like a loan of £30,000 please. - he asks the clerk, whose name is Patrick Whack.

- Thirty thousand pounds? That's a lot of money, you know. - says Paddy:

- You'll need a collateral for that amount of money.

- That's okay - says the frog:

- I have this.

And he pulls out of his pocket a tiny pink ceramic elephant.

- What's this? I can't accept this as collateral.

- Don't worry - says the frog:

- I know the manager, he's a good friend of mine. Tell him his friend Kermit Jagger is here.

Paddy gets up from his chair and goes to the manager's office, taking the little pink elephant with him. He shows it to the manager and says:

- There's a frog out there says he knows you, his name is Kermit Jagger. He want to borrow £30,000... he gave this as collateral... what on earth is it?

The manager takes the little elephant, studies it for a second and says:

- It's a nick-nack Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.

How do you castrate a hillbilly?
→ Kick his sister in the mouth!

How did a Blonde try to kill a bird ??
→ She through it out of the window !!

- Boy #1: Hey! Didja know that my grandfather was once face-to-face with a panther?

- Boy #2: That's nothing! My granny was once face-to-face with a lion! It was drooling...coming closer...closer...

- Boy #1: Gosh! What'd she do?

- Boy #2: She moved away from the cage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A doctor from Canada was having an affair with one of his female co-workers.

One day she announced to him that she was pregnant with his child. The doctor gave her enough money to fly to California and live their until the child was born. He gave her instructions to send him a postcard with the word SAURKRAUT on it when she gave birth.

About nine months later the doctor arrived home when his wife handed him a postcard.

- Here - she said.

- This came in the mail today.

The doctor took the postcard and it read... SAURKRAUT SAURKRAUT SAURKRAUT TWO WITH WEINERS & ONE WITHOUT!

How can you compare a lite beer to making love in a canoe?
→ It's fucking close to water!

The young Indian boy had spent most of his life in a quandry... He felt different yet... couldn't figure why... he was just so depressed. He went to the Chief for answers... He asked the chief how his brother Red Deer Running had gotten his name...

The chief answered in his typically poetic way:

- When Red Deer Running was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing his mother saw was a beautiful deer running off into the forest... and so Running Deer was named. It is the custom of our tribe to name the offspring according to the spirits in nature visiting upon the birth.

Then, the boy said to the Chief... And how did my sister "Thundering Bird" get her name? The chief described again, how at the moment of her birth Thundering Bird's mother had heard a roar of thunder and looking up, saw a bird flying in the sky...

The boy asked again, how his cousin "White Crouching Bear" had been given such a name... And the chief, looking down once more at the boy, explaining the traditions of their tribe.... White Bear's mother had seen a rare white bear crouched over a stream at the moment her baby's birth. Then he asked the boy:

- Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad