Most commented jokes

What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinoccio's nose?
→ Tell a lie.

Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory when Ed glanced over and noticed that Ted's penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

- Blimey - Ed said.

- I've never seen one like that before!

- Like what? - Ted said.

- All twisted like a pigs tail - Ed said.

- Well what's yours like? - Ted said.

- Well straight like normal - Ed said.

- I thought mine was normal 'til I saw yours - Ted said.

Ed finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shake down prior to putting it back in his pants.

- What did you do that for? - Ted said.

- Shaking off the excess drops - Ed said.

- Like normal.

- Shit - Ted said.

- And all these years I've been wringing it!

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can't find it. He yells up to his wife:

- Where's the rake?

She replies by nodding her arms like she can't hear.

So he points to his eye (I), hits his knee (need), then makes raking motions.

She replies by pointing to her eye, grabbing her left breast, slapping her ass, then rubbing her crotch. He runs upstairs and says:

- What?!

She says:

- I left tit behind the bush.

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

- Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,' - asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded:

- Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...

- I didn't ask for any details - the lawyer interrupted, just answer the question.

- Did you not say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'

Farmer Joe said:

- Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I as driving down the road...

The lawyer interrupted again and said:

- Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.

By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer:

- I'd like to hear what he has to say.

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded:

- Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.

- I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

- Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said:

- Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.

No further testing is planned.

Did you hear about the redneck who was shootin craps?
→ He blew a hole in the toilet.

What does a nymphomaniac say after she's had sex?
→ Do all you guys play for the same team?

One day a burnette and a blond lady were walking through the park. All-of-a-sudden, the burnette stops and says "Awe, look at the poor dead birdy." The blond looks up and says "Where!?"

Why did the Turtle cross the road?
→ To get to the shell station.

Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?
→ Cause all of their runners, swimmers, and jumpers are in the United States.