In Florida there was a swimming contest. The contestants were a brunette-Mindy, a redhead-Cindy, and a blonde-Sandy. The second race was the Breast Stroke...the order of finish was: The brunette came in first, the redhead second,... "but wait", where was the blonde??? She was still racing!
When she got to the finish line...she said:
- THEY CHEATED!!
The Judge said:
- how??
The dumb blonde screamed...
- THEY USED THEIR ARMS!
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerios?
→ Oh! Look!! Doughnut seeds!!!
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't work.
- Can you see farther during the day or at night?
- During the day of course.
- Wrong! During the day you can only see the sun but at night you can see the stars.
OJ Simpson's website address: www dot 'o' dot 'j' dot com backslash backslash backslash escape.
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection.
He was 71.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.
Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as long time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as the man who "never knew how much he was kneaded". Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting most of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife -- they have two children and one in the oven.
The funeral was held at 4:25 for about 20 minutes.
Why should Monica Lewinsky never go to medical school?
→ She sucked as an intern!
Once there were three surgeons engaged in conversation.
They got on the topic of their occupation and each stated who they liked to operate on. The first doctor said:
- I like to work on electricians.
- Why - the others replied.
He answered:
- When you open them up, they are all color coded so you know where everything goes.
The second doctor said:
- I like to work on librarians.
- Why - the other doctors asked.
He replied:
- Librarians are all orgainized in a sophisticated pattern.
The third doctor said:
- Well, I like to work on lawyers.
- Lawyers?! - replied the others suprised.
- Yes, Lawyers - he stated.
- But why? - they asked him.
- Well, they are gutless, they have no spine, and their heads and butts are interchangable.
What's the difference between an epileptic oyster fisherman, and a hooker with diahrrea?
→ Well, one shucks between fits.
What's the difference between a nun and a fat lady?
→ One's tryin to diet, and the other's dyin to try it...
There were 3 guys in a plane. The plane was about to crash.
They each had to throw one item out: The 1st guy threw out an apple.
The 2nd one threw out a bannana.
The 3rd one threw out a bomb.
There were 3 guys below them. 2 were crying, 1 was laughing.
A guy went up to the 1st one and asked:
- Why are you crying?
He answered:
- An Apple hit me on the head.
He went up to the 2nd one and asked:
- Why are you crying?
He answered:
- A Bannana hit me on the head.
He went up to the 3rd one and asked:
- Why are you laughing?
He answered:
- I farted and my house blew up!
