Women Jokes — most commented jokes

What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
→ When you see teeth marks.

A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, "hey dad, look how fat that lady is!"

"Shhhh, quiet son, she'll hear you."

"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"

"Shhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice!"

"But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that son, it's not nice and it's rude!"

Suddenly the fat lady's beeper goes off.

"Look out dad, she's backing up!"

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, Mommy?"

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. A large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top.

She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest.

Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said, "Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies, I'll take the one with the brown nose."

IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS

Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from girl. Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. Girlfriends, take heed!! There is a new drug that is in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to induce their male victims to have sex with them. The shocking news is that the drug is available virtually anywhere! It goes by the street name "Beer". All girls have to do is buy a "Beer" or two for almost any guy and then simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered literally helpless against such tactics.

Now I understand what marketing is:You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her: "I am very good in bed". That is Direct Marketing.

You are at a party with a group of friends and you see a very pretty girl. One of your friends approaches her and tells her: "That guy over there is very good in bed". That is Advertising.

You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You ask for her phone number. The following day you call her and tell her: "I am very good in bed". That is Telemarketing .

You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You recognize her, you approach her and refresh her memory by telling her: "Do you remember how good I am in bed?" That is Customer Relationship Management. You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You get up, fix your tie, pour her a drink, open the door for her, pick up her bag when it falls and you tell her: "I am very good in bed". That is Public Relations.

You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. She approaches you and tells you: "I heard you are very good in bed". That is BRANDING!!

How do you know if your secretary's having a bad day?
→ Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

Mary came back from lunch to find that all the girls in the office had removed their clothes and were lying on the floor naked. She lost no time in taking off her dress and joining them, but as soon as she laid down the girl on her right hissed, "Turn over, Mary - this is a stock up, not an office party!"

There are thousands of sex phone lines for men but only a few for women.

This is because if a women wants someone to talk dirty to her she can just go to work.