Travel Jokes — most commented jokes

On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their county got it's name.

Below is his explanation...

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada. "You know," said the first explorer, "we should name this place we're hiking through."

"I agree," said the second explorer.

"Great idea" quipped the third explorer.

"We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."

"Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."

The second said: "N, eh."

The first... "D, eh."

And now you know the story.

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.

Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager.

The manager says he'll be right up.

The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"

So he lies down next to the wife.

Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!"

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night.

The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look friend, don't EVER do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologizes and says he didn't realize that a "little tap" could scare him so much.

The driver, after gathering himself together replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault.

Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years!"

A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.

There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.

The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park.

"What's that" says the Texan.

"Oh! That's Queens Park" says the Cabby, "Its our Provincial Government, its like your State Government. Those buildings are almost 200 years old and they are quite big".

"Oh! We have buildings much older than that and at least twice as large" says the Texan.

They continue along and past First Canadian Place.

"Holy cow" says the Texan "What's that"?

"Why that's First Canadian Place, its the biggest office complex in the country" says the Cabby "it took almost 4 years to build".

"Really" says the Texan "Why in Houston they have buildings twice that big, and built in less than 1/2 the time".

They continue on the way, the cabby a little miffed at the bragging, when they drive past the CN Tower. Now the Texan has his head out the window looking up at the 1850' tower and rotating restaurant at 1300'.

"Holy Crap!" says the Texan. "What in gods name is that? How long did it take to build that!"

The Cabby non chalantly glances out the window and says - "Heck if I know, it wasn't there yesterday"!

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions: "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now...

The 45th bus just went by!"

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.

He asks, "And what are those?"

The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look, "What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."

"Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"

"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."

Three men are traveling in the Amazon: a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican.

They get captured by a fierce tribe of Amazons.

The tribe leader tells them they will be whipped for entering their territory. The tribe chief says to the Candian, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The Canadian responds, "I will take oil!"

So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times.

When he is finished the Canadian has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the Canadian away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!, I will take my punishment like a real man!" says the Mexican, and he boldly stands there and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.

Finally, it's the Yank's turn and the tribal chief asks: "What will you take on your back?"

And he responds - "I'll take the Mexican!"

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity.

(Source: Outside Magazine)

Grand Canyon National Park...

• Was this man-made?
• Do you light it up at night?
• I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?
• So where are the faces of the presidents?

Everglades National Park...

• Are the alligators real?
• Are the baby alligators for sale?
• Where are all the rides?
• What time does the two o'clock bus leave?

Denali National Park (Alaska)...

• What time do you feed the bears?
• Can you show me where the yeti lives?
• How often do you mow the tundra?
• How much does Mount McKinley weigh?

Mesa Verde National Park...

• Did people build this, or did Indians?
• Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
• What did they worship in the kivas -- their own made-up religion?
• Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
• Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

Carlsbad Caverns National Park...

• How much of the cave is underground?
• So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?
• Does it ever rain in here?
• How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?
• So what is this -- just a hole in the ground?

Yosemite National Park...

• Where are the cages for the animals?
• What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?
• Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?

Yellowstone National Park...

• Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
• How do you turn it on?
• When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
• We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

Why does the wind always go west to east in Wyoming?
→ Because Nebraska sucks and Idaho blows.