Random joke from this category
After her operation, the famous lady soap opera star was propped up in bed in her private room, as the doctor did his rounds. "Tell me, how are you feeling now?" he asked.
"A lot better, thank you," purred the star in reply. "But one thing does bother me. When will I be able to resume a normal sex life?"
"Oh, that's rather hard to say," said the doctor. "I've never been asked that after a tonsilectomy before."
A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking her how often she has intercourse.
"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.
The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
"I can't," says the woman. "That's the only night I'm home with my husband!"
A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?"
"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night."
"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know."
"Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't," she replied.
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
- What are you doing here today?
- Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it.
- Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
- Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?
- [shaking her head with mouth closed] Unh unh.
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup.
"How's your sex life?" the doctor asked.
"Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's relief. But then he added, "I've had some strange side effects."
"What's that?" the doctor asked anxiously.
"Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!"
This guy decides to get a sex change. So he goes to the doctors and has the thing done. A couple of weeks later he was talking to one of his old buddies about it.
- Gee, it must have really hurt when they shot all that silicon into your chest to make your breasts.
- Not really, I hardly felt it.
- Well, it must have really hurt when they chopped off your manhood!
- Nope, I didn't really feel it either. The only thing that really hurt was when they drilled a hole in my skull and sucked out half my brain!
There was a horrible mistake at the hospital. A man who was scheduled for a vasectomy was instead given a sex change operation. The doctors gathered at his bed afterwards to tell him the bad news.
"Ohhhh no!!!" the patient wailed, "I'll never be able to experience an erection again!"
"Of course you'll still be able to experience erections," replied one surgeon, "only it will have to be someone else's!"
There's this old man in a nursing home and he's hornier than hell. So he sees this cute nurse and says, "How about a quickie for twenty bucks?"
She agrees and gets on top of him. They go at it for about ten minutes. After the act, the old man says, "You know, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have paid you a hundred bucks."
In reply, the nurse says, "If I knew you could get it up that high, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"
A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged. Well, this particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant's trunk onto the man's penis.
Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's penis crept out of his pants, felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth.
The girl was startled and exclaimed, "What was that?"
Suddenly, the penis came back, took another hard roll and just as quickly disappeared.
The girl was silent for a moment, then finally said, "I don't believe I saw what I think I just saw... Can you do that again?"
With a bit of an uncomfortable smile the man replied, "Honey, I'd like to, but I don't think my ass can take another hard roll!"
A woman was going to marry one of those guys that wanted a virgin.
Since she was not, she went to a doctor to reconstruct her hymen.
The doctor told her it would cost around $500, but there was another way that would cost only $50.
The woman agreed to try the cheap way, paid the money, and the doctor worked on her for several minutes.
After the "first night" of intimacy, the woman came back to the doctor and told him that it was perfect. The pain, the blood, everything was there. And she asked him how he did it.
"Simple... I tied your pubic hairs together!"
