Relationships — most commented jokes

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.

Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.

There sat his lover with an infant in her lap!

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer!"

What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?
→ "Not according to Dad."

Presidential Election'2000

Dear Abby,

I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the street, and hopefully the heroin... Abby, my problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her... Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?

Signed,
Worried about my reputation

Hillary and Chelsea were having a deep dish heart to heart talk about Chelsea's college experiences.

- Hillary: So have you found dating to be a fulfilling experience?

- Chelsea: It's okay..but i don't like how the boys sometimes act like real sex hounds.

- Hillary: Well, uh, have you, uh, actually had sex?

- Chelsea: Well Mom, no, not IF you define sex the way Daddy does.

The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man's oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked "How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?"

The old man whispered back, "Easy. I told her I was 90!"

What do you do if your bank account stops working?
→ Throw the guy out of the house.

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1. Get away or I'll call the police!!!
2. I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
→ A mental hospital.

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
→ When the power goes off.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
→ You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.