Mom/Dad Jokes — most commented jokes

- John: I'm glad you named me John.

- Mother: Why?

- John: Because that's what all the kids at school call me.

The little boy comes home from school and asks mom, "Where do babies come from?" Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time she replies, "From the stork of course!" The little guy thinks for a few seconds and then asks, "But mom, who fucks the stork?"

Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. "Mommy," she said, "I'd like you to answer one question." "Very good," replied her mother, "I was wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees." "It's not that," said the girl. "I know all about screwing. What I would like to know is how to make lasagna."

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY... Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?" Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn." Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn." Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."

Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm."

"No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!"

Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed. Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom.

Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pajamas, rubs his chest and groans "I want a bike, I want a bike."

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin' dad?"

His father qiuckly replied "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.", to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No", said his mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"