Mom/Dad Jokes — most commented jokes

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."

A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there. They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him that the men with really big dicks were really really dumb, and that the woman with really big tits were really really dumb.
When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was. The boy said, "Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, really dumb blond, and the longer they talked the dumber he got."

Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
→ They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

Young lady to father:

- Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor?

- Dentist.

- Why father?

- We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!

While I was waiting to see the dentist, a woman came out of his inner office smiling. Nodding to me, she said, "Thank goodness my work is completed. I'm so glad to have found a painless dentist and one who's so gentle and understanding too."

When seated in the dentist chair, I related the incident to the doctor. He laughed and explained, "Oh, that was just my Mother."

- Father: Don't you feel better now that you've gone to the dentist?

- Son: Sure do. He wasn't in.

- I was so sorry to hear you buried your mother last week.

- Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.

"Dad," said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow."

"OK, son," said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."

A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says:

- That's great honey! What kind of degree?

And the son, almost squealing with excitement, says:

- The best one ever, a Celsius degree!

A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. His mom said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"

"Uhh, oh yeah, okay," responded the kid.

So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.

When she gets back, her husband asked, "Well how much did you give the boy his time?"

She said, "Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20 and the other for $1000 out to him."

"That's $1020!" yelled her husband. "Are you crazy?"

"Don't worry, Hon," she said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"