Men Jokes — most commented jokes

If you can't go down on them, you're not a good partner.

If you can go down on them, they are jeolous that someone taught you how.

If they pay for dinner, you are using them.

If you pay for dinner, you are trying to embarrass them.

If you make less money than them, you have to do all of the housework.

If you make more money than them, you are a ball-breaker and still have to do all of the housework.

If they want sex, they won't let you sleep.

If you want sex, they won't wake up.

If you choose an article of clothing that they don't like, you don't care about their taste. If you ask them for help in choosing an article of clothing they do like, they tell you to dress however you want.

If you are polite and friendly to their friends, they want to know why you are coming on to their friends.

If you are distant and reserved to their friends, they want to know why you don't like their friends.

From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 31, 1995
Top Ten Signs You're Not The Sexiest Man Alive

10. When people see you, they often ask, "Is it Halloween already?"
11. You appear in TV Guide crossword puzzle with the clue, "Siskel and ___"
12. The best term to describe you is "super hairy".
13. You parachuted into Super Bowl with a dog and a bag of pretzels.
14. Photos of you used as a birth-control device.
15. You take a stroll and the local zoo is flooded with calls about an escaped orangutan.
16. As you walk toward rack of Speedos, you hear clerks murmuring, "Oh God, no".
17. Your name is Tom Wilkins and you're seated in the 6th row of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
18. Hookers always telling you "Not on the first date".
19. Richard Simmons never follows you home.

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
→ So men can remember them.
→ So men can understand them.

Why do men name their penises?
→ Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions!

What's the best thing to come out of a penis?
→ The wrinkles!

Did you hear that they are going to stop circumcising men?
→ They discovered they were throwing away the best part.

Why are some men uncircumcised?
→ The doctors were afraid of causing brain damage to the infant.

What's the dumbest part of a man's body?
→ His penis. It has a head without a brain, it swings with two nuts, and it lives right around the corner from an asshole.

Why don't women have any brains?
→ Because they don't have any testicles to put them in.

What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
→ Castrated.