Medicine — most commented jokes

- What's the matter with your dinner?

- Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten!

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery.
The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.

"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

"Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.

"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."

"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly.

"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun."

"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God."

"Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
→ Because in Job 16:12 we read, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."

When do rabbits have buck teeth?
→ When their parents won't get them braces.

What do you call an operation on a rabbit?
→ A hare-cut.

- Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?

- Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.

- Lady (standing in the middle of a busy street): Officer, can you tell me how to get to the Hospital?

- Officer: Just stand where you are!!!

A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, "We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking for work."

An Englishman said, "We are far more advanced than you. We can take the heart out of a man, perform surgery and have him ready for work in just 3 weeks."

The Irishman says, "That's nothing; we can take a kidney out of a man, put into another man's body and have them looking for work in 2 weeks."

The American says, "Well hell, that's nothin'. We had an idiot taken out of Texas, put in the Whitehouse and now half the country is lookin' for work!"

Why do pigs never recover from illness?
→ Because you have to kill them before you cure them!

When pigs get a toothache, who do they see?
→ Painless Porker.