Medicine — most commented jokes

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.

Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.

The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said, "You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!

"So, how did you break YOUR leg??"

A hospital patient, recovering from minor surgery, was being given an alcohol rubdown by two of the hospital's more attractive nurses.

While manipulating the man's body they noted that the word "tiny" was tattooed on the head of his penis.

Some months after the man's discharge, Mary, one of the nurses, told Joan, the other, that she had dated their former patient.

"How could you go out with a man that had 'tiny' tattooed on his love stick?" exclaimed Joan.

"How could I indeed!" said Mary. "It said 'tiny' when it was soft, but when aroused, it spelled: 'Tiny's Delicatessen & Catering Service. We deliver at all times, twenty-four hours a day!!!'"

A man has a car wreck and they have to amputate his brain.

So the nurse takes him to the brain transplant wearhouse.

On one side of the shelves are lined with brains marked $500.00 each. On the other side the shelves are lined with brains marked $200.00 each.

The brainless man asks why the price differece.

The nurse points to the $200.00 brains and explains that these are female brains, so they've been used.

A doctor is making a routine call to one of his elderly patients. He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Johnson?"

Mr. Johnson replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pee, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door."

The doctor is worried that the old guy is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.

The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Johnson, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..."

Mrs. Johnson yells, "Steven! Daddy's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

A redneck returns to the doctors after having some tests and asks what the results were.

The doctor explains that he has some bad news, in fact, the patient is HIV positive.

"Hell," says the man, "You can't trust anybody nowadays, not even your own kids!"

There was once a guy whose tongue was so long that when he stuck it out for the doctor, the nurse went, "Aaaaaahhh!!!"

1. Cover your stump before you hump.
2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper.
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick.
12. If you go into heat, package your meat.
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis.
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse.
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
18. The right selection! Protect your erection.
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.
20. A crank with armor will never harm her.
21. If you really love her, wear a cover.
22. Don't make a mistake! Muzzle your snake.
23. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
24. If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
25. No glove, No love.
26. Don't be in such a jiffy, cover your stiffy.
27. AIDS is no joke, be sure to wrap before you poke.
28. Even though you're tired and sleepy, take the time to wrap your pee-pee.
29. You know you should wear a condom on that woody.

An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman and catches a strange venereal disease (this time, a green ring around the base of the penis). The patient goes to a doctor who says he's never seen anything like it, but his penis would probably have to be amputated.

The patient then goes to another doctor, who also doesn't know anything about this decease, but thinks the amputation is indicated. Deeply distressed, the patient decided to go to a Soviet emigre doctor, figuring he may be familiar with this V. D.

Indeed, the Soviet emigre doctor says, "I know this decease! Your American doctors always want to cut. Don't do anything. Two week later, prick fall off by himself!"

• An acher of bacteriologists
• A murmur of cardiologists
• A stain of cytotechnologists
• A rash of dermatologists
• A speck of forensic pathologists
• A poke of gynecologists
• A vessel of heart surgeons
• A clot of hematologists
• A nursery of obstetricians
• A dose of pharmacists
• A pile of proctologists
• A G-spot of sex therapists
• A stream of urologists

An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman. The next day his prick turns black. He runs to a doctor and asks, "Doctor, is this some weird venereal disease?"

"Worse," says the doctor. "It's frostbite!"