Random joke from this category
- I'm fed up with your jealousy - the furious wife told her husband.
- Do you think I don't realize you're having me followed by a detective who's tall, blond, has green eyes and is very nice, although a little shy at first?
Here lies my wife in earthy mould; when she lived did naught but scold.
Good friends go softly in your walking; lest she should wake and rise up talking.
After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife:
- What the hell happened?
- As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss - replied the wife.
- Piss on him - answered the husband.
- You did - said the wife, and he fired you.
- Well, fuck him - said the husband.
- I did, and you go back to work in the morning!
On the way home from the party, the woman said to her husband:
- Have I ever told you how handsome and sexy and irresistible to women you are?
- Why no - said the husband, flattered.
- Then what the hell gave you that idea at the party?! - she yelled.
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed.
With a low voice he sad to his wife:
- When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones.
- No, I can't marry anyone after you.
- But I want you to.
- But why?
- Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!
Did you hear about the new men's magazine that caters exclusively to married men?
It's like Playboy or Penthouse magazine, except the centerfold is the same month after month after month...
It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives.
When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to be married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait.
It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them. They were married in a simple ceremony.
So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together.
They went back to St. Peter, and said:
- We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?
- Are you kidding? - said St. Peter.
- It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I'll never get a lawyer!
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife:
- I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them.
His wife looked at him calmly and said:
- Why do you think I gave you the poison?
An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life.
- Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.
- Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.
- Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife...she goes wild!
- And you tell me several men proposed marriage to you - said the husband.
- Yes, several - the wife replied.
- Well I wish you had married the first fool who proposed.
- I did!
