Marriage Jokes — most commented jokes

- How much for the room?

- Twenty dollars apiece.

- Okay. Here's $140.

On the wedding night of the newly wedded royal couple, they wanted to make sure everything was done according to proper etiquette. So she begins and says:

- Sir, I offer you my honor.

He replies:

- I honor your offer.

And that's how it goes all night. Honor, offer. Honor, offer. Honor, offer.

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse stumbles and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes and says:

- That's one.

The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.

A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states:

- That's two!

He returns to his saddle and they move on.

As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol from his vest, and shoots the horse dead.

The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband:

- That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!

The man stares at his wife and firmly says:

- That's one!

A bridegroom, the first night he was in bed with his bride, said:

- When I solicited your chastity, if you had granted, I would not have married you.

- Faith, I thought as much - said the cunning lady.

- but as I had been cheated two or three times before, I was determined not to be fool'd again!

Two young couples marry the same day and, being all friends, leave together for honeymoon to stay at the same Hotel in Venice, door to door.

The next morning, the two brand new husbands step out on their balconies to have a breath of fresh air.

- So? How was it going last night? C'mon, tell me! How's your wife?

- Uhh, fine I guess, she's lying on the bed smoking.

- Jesus! My wife just got a bit sore...

The bride lay in bed on the first night of their honeymoon while her husband stood at the bedroom window, gazing at the stars.

- Come to bed, darling - she whispered after some time had passed.

- Not likely - replied the blonde groom, my mother told me that this would be the best night of my life and I'm not going to miss a minute of it.

A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at "it" for three days straight.

The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else. When his bride woke up, he said:

- Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?

His bride replied:

- You show me one more trick with that thing and I'm going home to mother!

- It's just to hot to wear clothes today - said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.

- Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?

- Probably that I married you for your money.

Jill tells her husband:

- Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.

- Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?

- Gosh - Jack says, why I hardly know the girl!

- Honey, I have a confession to make - a guy told his bride.

- I'm a golf nut. You'll never see me on weekends during golf season.

- Well, dear - she murmured.

- I have a confession to make too. I'm a hooker.

- No big deal - replied the groom.

- Just keep your head down and your left arm straight!