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Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lessor known ones...

The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia ........ U. Gogh
The brother who bleached all his clothes white .. Hue Gogh
The sister who wore a mini skirt to dance in bars ... Go Gogh
The real obnoxious brother .......... Please Gogh
The brother who ate prunes ............ Gotta Gogh
The uncle who worked at a convenience store ....... Stop N Gogh
His dizzy aunt ............. Verti Gogh
The cousin that moved to Illinois ......... Chicah Gogh
His magician uncle .............. Wherediddy Gogh
The cousin who lived in Mexico .......... Amee Gogh
Another cousin who lived in Mexico ......... Green Gogh
Nephew that drove a stage coach .......... Wells Far Gogh
Aunt who was a good dancer .............. Tan Gogh

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There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car.

So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. "But," he said to the salesperson, "I would like my car personalized. Would it be possible to have the "Z" replaced with an "S"?" The dealer said yes, and it was done.

And, as the snail raced around the city in his brand new car, everyone would see, "Wow, look at that S-car-go."

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Top Twenty Countdown of the Best Oxymorons...

  1. Found missing
  2. Resident alien
  3. Airline food
  4. Same difference
  5. Government organization
  6. Sanitary landfill
  7. Alone together
  8. Business ethics
  9. Sweet sorrow
  10. Military intelligence
  11. Plastic glasses
  12. Terribly pleased
  13. Definite Maybe
  14. Pretty Ugly
  15. Computer Security
  16. Political science
  17. Diet ice cream
  18. Working vacation
  19. Exact estimate
  20. Microsoft Works
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If athletes get athlete's foot, astronauts get missile toe.

A bird dog could be called a point setter.

James Fenimore Cooper wrote about the life of Santa Claus in his novel The Deer Sleigher.

What's the difference between a one-winged angel and a two-winged angel?
→ It's a matter of a pinion!

It's a matter of my opinion that Yule love the game we're about to play. In each sentence below, fill in the blank or blanks with an expression commonly used at Christmastide. Answers repose at the end of this column.

  1. On December 24, Adam's wife was known as [blank] [blank].
  2. In Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol, Scrooge was visited by the ghost of [blank] [blank].
  3. An opinion survey in Alaska is called a [blank] [blank].
  4. What does Santa Claus do with his three gardens? [blank], [blank], [blank]
  5. What Christmas message is conveyed by these letters?: ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. [blank], [blank]
  6. When the salt and the pepper say "Hi!" to each other, they are passing on [blank] [blank].
  7. A holy man bereft of change could be called [blank] [blank].
  8. When you cross a sheep with a cicada, you get a [blank] [blank].
  9. A quiet medieval armor-wearer is a [blank] [blank].
  10. A cat walking on the desert is bound to get [blank] [blank].
  11. People who tell jokes on December 25 might be called [blank] [blank].
  12. An airplane disaster in Israel is a [blank].
  13. Actor O'Connor and actress Channing are known on December 25 as [blank] [blank].
  14. What do Spanish sheep says when they wish each other a Merry Christmas? [blank] [blank].

Meretricious to all! And don't forget that There's No Plate Like Chrome for the Hollandaise.

Answers

  1. Christmas Eve
  2. Christmas Present
  3. North Poll
  4. Hoe, hoe, hoe.
  5. Noel, (no L)
  6. seasons' greetings.
  7. St. Nickleless.
  8. Bah! (or Baa!) Humbug!
  9. silent knight
  10. sandy claws
  11. Christmas cards
  12. cresh
  13. Christmas Carols
  14. Fleece Navidad!
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