Language Jokes — most commented jokes

How do barmen surf the web?
→ On the Gin-ternet.

What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar?
→ Ok you 2, dont start anything

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."

One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

Two men walked into a bar.

You would think at least one of them would have ducked.

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.

The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please."

The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can't serve you."

"Why not?" askes the brain.

"You're already out of your head."

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink.
He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.

The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?"

The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.

"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like.
The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like.
The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets 'em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!!"