Random joke from this category
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.
Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"
- Bill: If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?
- Tom: The smaller piece, of course.
- Bill: What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?
In January 1994, 'The Economist' magazine reported that one of Secretary of Energy Hazel O'Leary's success stories about government research scientists hired out for civilian business uses was the Argonne National Laboratory's helping McDonald's to find a way to speed up french frying. A team headed by physicist Tuncer Kuzay, who interrupted his work on advanced photons, placed sensors inside the frozen fries and was able to design special frying baskets to deal with the effect of steam created by melting ice crystals and to cut 30 to 40 seconds off each batch's frying time.
Here's a delightful treat someone once made for an office Christmas party:
A gelatin mold should be made with Knox Unflavored Gelatin and red food coloring. One would think that a flavorless food would not be at all difficult to swallow, but believe me, from the looks of people who inserted cold masses of gelatinous glop into a mouth that was expecting sweets, the experience is unexplainably horrifying! Some claimed to be nauseated by the feel of it; others politely swallowed.
The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
- Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
- Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
- Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
- Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
- Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
- Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
- Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
- Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
- Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
- Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
- Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
- Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
- Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
- Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
- Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
- Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
- Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
- Pizza Man: I don't think so.
click
Subject: You Deserve a Break Today
San Francisco (UPI)--In what legal observers are already calling a landmark decision in the case of Jackson v. California, the California Supreme Court has recognized for the first time a constitutional right to chicken done right.
The high court held that under the due process clause and the constitutional prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment, Joseph Jackson, a prisoner at the California Men's Correctional Institue at Camarillo, is entitled to food "of fair average quality," or "comparable to the fare at a modest restaurant or fast-food chain."
Mr. Jackson had complained of the poor quality of the prison kitchen's Coq au Vin ....
The 4 Basic Food Groups for Police Officers
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!"
"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?" The clerk replies "Canned or frozen?"
A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, "I won a motor home! I won a motor home!"
The waitress runs over and argues, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!"
The blonde replies, "No. I won a motor home!"
By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as one of our prizes."
Again the blonde says, "There is no mistake! I won a motor home!" The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."
