Ethnic — most commented jokes

What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
→ Retardo.

How do you babysit black kids?
→ Wet their lips and stick them to the wall!

How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?
→ Put velcro on the ceiling.

How do you get him down?
→ Blind fold two mexican kids and tell them he's a pinata.

One day wee jordy was out walking with his lass in the fields of scotland, while walking through the heather the lass says; "ah wee jordy i can tell you want to hold my hand!"

Wee jordy says "aye lass that i do, but how can you tell?"

Well she says "i can tell by the gleam in your eye."

Walking along a bit further she says to him "wee jordy i can tell you want to give me a kiss."

"well I lass that i do, but how can you tell?"

"ah wee jordy, i can tell by the gleam in your eye!"

Walking along a bit further she says "wee jordy i can tell you want to make love to me." He says, "aye lass that i do! you can tell by the gleam in my eye!"

"No!" she says... "by the tilt in your kilt!"

Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going.

"Really bad," said the second bee, "the weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey."

"No problem," said the first bee, "Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit."

"Thanks for the tip" said the second bee and flew away.

A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again and the first bee asked, "How'd it go?"

"Fine," said the second bee, "It was everything you said it would be."

"Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee.

"That's my yarmulka," said the second bee, "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

Three paratroopers, a Jew, an American, and a Pollack are to throw a hand gernade from the plane, then jump.

The Jew goes first - "This is for my country" and he throws the gernade out and jumps. He lands and sees a little boy crying and asks "what's the matter"? The boys says "my dog just blew up!"

The American tosses the gernade, jumps and when he lands he sees a little girl crying. She tells him, "my cat just blew up!"

The Pollack tosses, jumps and lands. He sees this Redneck laughing his head off. "What so funny, asks the Pollock?"

The Redneck replies - "I just farted and my house blew up!"

There is an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Ukranian and the are in their final stages of training for the FBI. The agents explained to them their final test.

"We have each one of your wives contained in separate cells and what you guys have to do in order to complete your FBI training is you have to prove your loyalty. You must grab that gun and go into your wifes cell and kill her."

The englishman grabbed the gun. "Man I hate that bitch. She is going to get it good." He walked off into the cell and was in there for about a minute. There was just silence. He came out crying, "We've been maried too long. I just cant do it." So he was booted out.

The frenchman grabbed the gun. "If I must, I must." He went into his wifes cell for about a minute and there was silence. He came walking out crying, "I love her too much. I just can't do it." So he was booted out.

So the ukranian grabbed the gun and stormed into his wifes cell. "That fucking bitch is really going to get it." Gun shots went off until there was no more shots left. He was still in the room and all of a sudden, there was banging and scrapping and crashing and then silence. The ukranian came out with cuts and briuses all over his face.

The agent asked, "What the hell happened in there?"

The Ukranian replied, "Some fucker put blanks in the gun so I had to strangle the bitch!"

There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a genie.

Well he rubbed the bottle and the genie said, "I'll grant you one wish".

So the mexican says - "ok, I wanna be white and I wanna be surrounded by a pussy".

The genie grants the mexicans wish...and turned him into a tampon!

A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun.

"Can I help you sir?" asked the shopkeeper.

Ah, yes... I want to buy a .44 Magnum please.

The shopkeeper informs the man that the .44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for.

The man replies, "I want to shoot cans!"

What? Cans! You don't need a .44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper.

The customer has enough and finally says, "Shut up and give me the dang .44 Mag... I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!

Confucious say...

All who fly upside-down have crack up.

He who stand on toilet high on pot.

He who shits brick has square hole.

Fly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off.