Random joke from this category
At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.
- American: In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police.
- Russian: In Russia we don't require that you dial anything.
A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia."
As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, "We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking for work."
An Englishman said, "We are far more advanced than you. We can take the heart out of a man, perform surgery and have him ready for work in just 3 weeks."
The Irishman says, "That's nothing; we can take a kidney out of a man, put into another man's body and have them looking for work in 2 weeks."
The American says, "Well hell, that's nothin'. We had an idiot taken out of Texas, put in the Whitehouse and now half the country is lookin' for work!"
A little Italian grandfather comes up to Customs.
The Customs official says, "Have you got anything to declare?"
He thinks a second and he says, "It's a nice-a day!"
A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"
Several men stood up as the lights came on.
An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good, Jewish girl?"
What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?
→ A Rolling Stone says "hey you, get off of my cloud!", while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!"
What do you call counterfeited German currency?
→ Question marks.
What is the best Iraqi job?
→ Foreign Ambassador
How many Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ That is a military secret. If I told you I'd have to kill you.
How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?
→ Two. One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.
