Ethnic — most commented jokes

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.

"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.

"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."

How do Iranians speak on the telephone?
→ Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.
"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match."
The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

God is sitting up in his ivory tower, he's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the number one, so he's decided to go on holiday. He calls all his super-being mates up and they pop around to discuss a few suggestions. "What about Mars," says one of them. "Nah I went there 15,000 years ago," says God, "it was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty." "What about Pluto," suggests another. "Nah I went there about 10,000 years ago," says God. "Fucking freezing it was too." "What about Mercury," says another. "It's nice but I went there about 5,000 years ago, I nearly burnt me bollox off it was that hot, never again," says God. "What about Earth then," suggests another. "You must be joking," says God, "I went there about 2,000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish bird, and they're still bloody talking about it."

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today."
"Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?"
The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages."

The friend looks at him quizically.
"Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..."
"What do you think" says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?"

Is there a God?
→ A billion Hindus can't be wrong.

How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
→ When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie.

- Rabbi: What are doing here with a dog?

- Bernie: The dog came here to pray.

- Oh, come on, says the Rabbi.

- YES! says Bernie.

- Rabbi: I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not a proper thing to do in temple.

- Bernie: Its true!..

- Ok, says the Rabbi, then show me what the dog can do.

- OK, says Bernie nodding to the dog...

The dog proceeds to open up the barrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on his head) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! The Rabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.
When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the quality of the praying he says to Bernie. "Do you think your dog would consider going to Rabbinical school????"
Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says, "YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!"

Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flower decoration of the altar.
The catholic florist - $ 300. "Too expensive" moans the priest.
The protestant florist - $ 250, "No, it would not be right to buy at another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather small." But lo! Solly Goldberg - $ 75!!!
Religion or economics? After much consideration, Solly obtains the contract.
On Easter Sunday morning, Goldberg's men deliver the flowers: wonderful roses, azaleas, camellias, tulips and carnations. O'Maley's last reservations are discarded.
When the parishioners arrive in the church, they see the magnificent flower arrangement and a ribbon with the inscription:
"Jesus has risen! But the prices of Goldberg always stay the same."

On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a star of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the cross wearer and the other was overlooked.
Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and suggested that if he take off the star of David maybe he'd get some more hand outs.
"Get this guy, Chaim" laughs the pan handler and turns to his cross wearing pal, "He's trying to teach us how to do business!"