Elderly Jokes — most commented jokes

- How old is your Grandma?

- I dunno, but we've had him a long time.

- Fred: I haven't slept a wink for the past two nights.

- Harry: Why's that?

- Fred: Granny broke her leg. The doctor put it in plaster and told her she shouldn't walk upstairs. You should hear the row when she climbs up the drainpipe.

An American tourist found himself in a sleepy country village, and asked one of the locals the age of the oldest inhabitant.
"Well, sir," replied the villager, "we ain't got one now. He died last week."

- Grandpa: You youngsters are soft and lazy today. When I was your age I got up at six o'clock every morning and walked five or six miles before breakfast. I used to think nothing of it.

- Fred: I don't blame you, Grandpa. I wouldn't think, much of it myself.

Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?"

A few minutes later, Timmy returned.

"Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?"

"She's fine, except that she's angry with you."

"With me?" the woman exclaimed.
"Whatever for?"

"She said 'It's none of your business how old she is,'" snickered Timmy.

Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: "It makes you feel young again."

John looks at Sylvester and says, "We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!"

Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.

About one mile later Sylvester asks, "Well John, do you feel young yet?"

"No," replies John.

So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.

A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, "John, do you feel younger?"

"No," replies John, "but I sure did a childish thing!"

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies.

They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, "You can go home now."

How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?
→ Have the fifth one say.... BINGO!

"What's wrong, sonny?" asked the old timer sympathetically, coming over to the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out.
"I'm crying 'cause I can't do what the big boys do!" So the old man sat down and wept too.