Dumb Jokes — most commented jokes

A gorilla was walking thru' a jungle when he came across a deer eating grasses in a clearing. The gorilla roared, 'Who's the king of the jungle?', and the deer replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. Again, he roared, 'Who's the king of the jungle?', of course, the zebra replied, 'You are, master.' The gorilla walked of pleased. Then he came across an elephant. 'Who's the king of the jungle?', he roared again, at the elephant. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.

The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Ok, ok, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer!'

A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun.

"Can I help you sir?" asked the shopkeeper.

Ah, yes... I want to buy a .44 Magnum please.

The shopkeeper informs the man that the .44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for.

The man replies, "I want to shoot cans!"

What? Cans! You don't need a .44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper.

The customer has enough and finally says, "Shut up and give me the dang .44 Mag... I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered.

"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

There was a Blond and a Brunette on an airplane.

All of a sudden the engine blew and they started to crash!

There was only one parachute and a flashlight.

The Brunette grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to the blond, "Ok, This is a magic flashlight, I will shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light! Then I will follow you with the parachute."

The blond looked at her sceptically and said, "Do you think I am that dumb? I know when I am halfway down you're gonna turn it off!"

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."

Her friend asks "What's the puzzle supposed to look like?"

The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

So, the blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger."

"Second, I'd advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!"

Yo mamma's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and said "Hey, where's my gumball?"

I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large new motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."

I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich!

This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he sits drinking, he notices a peanut jump out of the dish before him. The peanut proceeds to talk, 'hey there buddy,' it hollers, 'you're looking mighty fine tonight!' The guy can't believe what he is seeing. 'This sure is some strong beer!' He thinks to himself before getting up to go to the toilet. On his way back to the bar, the guy walks past a cigarette machine which appears to speak, 'hey asshole, go screw yourself!' it yells.

The guy can't believe it and decides to ask the bartender what's going on. 'Hey bartender, I swear to god that one of those peanuts over there just started a conversation with me and on the way back from the men's room, your cigarette machine just swore at me.' 'Let me explain,' replies the bartender 'the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order.'

- Tech Support: What does the screen say now.

- Person: It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.

- Tech Support: Well?

- Person: How do I know when it's ready?

30 things people actually said in court

What is your date of birth?
→ July 15th
What year?
→ Every year.

What gear were you in the moment of impact?
→ Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory?
→ Yes.
And in what ways does it affect your memory?
→ I forget.
You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?

How old is your son, the one living with you?
→ 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
How long has he lived with you?
→ 45 years

What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
→ He said "Where am I, Cathy?"
And why did that upset you?
→ My name is Susan.

And where was the location of the accident?
→ Approximatly milepost 499.
And where is milepost 499?
→ Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Sir, What is your IQ?
→ Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Did you blow your horn or anything?
→ After the accident?
Before the accident.
→ Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
→ We both do.
Voodoo?
→ We do.
You do?
→ Yes, Voodoo.

Trooper, when you stopped the defendent, were you red and blue lights flashing?
→ Yes
Did the defendent say anything when she got out of her car?
→ Yes sir
What did she say?
→ What disco am I at?

Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?

The youngest son, the 22 year old, how old is he?

Were you present when your picture was taken?

Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Did he kill you?

How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?

You were there until the time you left, is that true?

How many times have you committed suicide?

So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
→ Yes.
What were you doing at the time?

She had three children right?
→ Yes.
How many were boys?
→ none.
Were there any girls?

You say the stairs went down to the basement?
→ yes
And these stairs, did they go up also?

Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather eleborate honeymoon, didnt you?
→ I went to Europe, Sir.
And you took your new wife?

How was your first marriage terminated?
→ By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?

Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
→ No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Can you describe the individual?
→ He was about medium height and had a beard.
Was this a male or female?

Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
→ All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

All your responses must be oral, OK,? What school did you go to?
→ Oral

Do you recall the time you examined the body?
→ The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
→ No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
→ No.
Did you check for blood pressure?
→ No.
Did you check for breathing?
→ No.
So it was possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
→ No.
How can you be so sure, Doctor?
→ Because his brains was sitting on my desk in a jar.
But could the patien have still been alive nevertheless?
→ It is possible that he coulkd have been alive and practicing law somewhere.