Doctor Jokes — most commented jokes

A girl goes to the doctor. She says, "Doc, I'm freakin' out...

I'm freakin' out...my pee's coming out in four streams."

He says, "Get up on the table and I'll see what I can do."

She gets up on the table, and as he's examining her, he starts to giggle.

She says, "It's not funny. My pee's coming out in four streams."

He says, "It won't anymore. I took the trouser button out of there."

What's a definition of a gynecologist?
→ Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most people find pleasure

A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog stuck to his head.

- Doctor: How did this happen?

- Frog: It started with a bump on my ass.

Name something a duck can do, that a doctor won't.
→ Stick his bill up his ass.

Sobel goes into the optometrist's office.

He opens the door and says to the receptionist, "I think I need my eyes checked."

She says, "You're not kidding. This is the Ladies Room."

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life?

She was told that it was.

There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"

The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."

"And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the medic said.

"Hell, no," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your Lamborghini."

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated."

The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."

The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom.

He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do?"

The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway.

When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front of and facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked but if it would help solve her problem she thought she had better do what the doctor said.

As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs and when she did he put his head between them and rested his chin right on her private parts. After a few moments and some very positive 'yes, yes' type noises the doctor instructed her to get dressed again.

Afterwards, the doctor sat her down and informed her that the main cause of her problem was just that she was drinking far too much liquid before going to bed.

"So what did the exercise in front of the mirror tell you?"

"Well," said the doctor, "my wife is right, a beard would suit me."

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window.

Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.

As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatolegical abnormalities."

"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.

"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.

"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer."

"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."