Doctor Jokes — most commented jokes

A fellow went to the doctor one day and said, "Doc, I have a problem. My penis is red."

Doctor replied, "Drop your pants, let me take a look. Ummm...yes, no problem, we can have you fixed up in no time, $40."

The fellow was impressed. Told his friend of the experience and that he hadn't been to a doctor for only $40 for quite a spell.

His friend said, "Really? I have a similar problem. What doctor did you go to?"

So his friend goes to the same doctor and tells him, "Doc, George recommended you...you've got to help me. My penis is blue."

Doc asks to take a look. "Ah yes... Ummm... Yep, we can take care of it, no problem, $400."

"FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS? Wait a MINUTE! You took care of George for only $40."

"Yes, I did. But George's penis had lipstick on it. Yours has gangrene!"

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."

The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"

"On my balls!"

A woman was going to marry one of those guys that wanted a virgin.

Since she was not, she went to a doctor to reconstruct her hymen.

The doctor told her it would cost around $500, but there was another way that would cost only $50.

The woman agreed to try the cheap way, paid the money, and the doctor worked on her for several minutes.

After the "first night" of intimacy, the woman came back to the doctor and told him that it was perfect. The pain, the blood, everything was there. And she asked him how he did it.

"Simple... I tied your pubic hairs together!"

A woman goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."

The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe.

She does so, and the doctor goes around to see her when she is ready. "Well, what is it?" he asks.

"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies. "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs."

The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is.

Then he suddenly asks, "Have you been having an affair with a gypsy lately?"

The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually I have."

"That's the problem," the doctor says, "Tell him his earrings aren't made of gold!!!"

A Soviet emigre doctor gets a call from the Medicaid office. "You've been billing us for weekly house calls to Mr. Ivanov for the last six months. Haven't you noticed that Mr. Ivanov has passed away?"

"Sure I noticed! He was my favorite patient, I visit him at cemetery."

A Soviet emigre boy and girl come to a doctor's office and say: "Doctor, we would like to know if we are screwing properly. Will you watch us, please?"

The doctor, somewhat puzzled, agrees, they climb on his table, the boy gets on top of the girl, and they have sex. After observing them, the doctor says, "Yes, you're having sex properly. That will be forty dollars."

They come back the next day with the same request, but this time the boy enters the girl from the rear. They keep coming for four days in a row, using different positions every day.

On the fifth visit the doctor says, "Why do you keep on coming back? I told you you're having sex properly."

The boy explains, "The hotel room costs the same forty dollars, but this way we get reimbursed by Medicaid."

One Polish surgeon asks another: "How did the operation go?"

"The operation was a success, but the patient died!"

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss," he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" said the boss.

"But where were you yesterday?"

An anxious woman goes to her doctor.

"Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"

"Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from!"

There was this eighty-year-old man who was seeing the doctor for a checkup. The doctor asked why he needed the checkup. The man was getting married next month to a girl 60 years his junior. The doctor tried to talk him out of the marriage, and it didn't work.

However, the doctor suggested, "If you want your marriage to last, I say you at least take in a boarder."

The old man agreed.

The old man didn't see the doctor until they met at a fund-raiser a year later.

The old man says, "Doc, congratulate me, my wife is pregnant."

"That's good news," said the doctor. "I knew the boarder would help."

"Oh," said the old man with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant as well."